Relationships

Stages of relationships

Most love relationships start with intensity of passion, and then
mature into milder and more seasoned stages.

Note: This doesn't mean they have to become drab and routine –
starting out like a lacy negligee and turning into flannelette
pyjamas. The developmental model of marriage accepts that
every relationship is different, but here is one way, to describe
the stages couples go through.

1. Courtship or romance: Oh the thrills, the chemistry,
   the desire to show your 'best self' and ignore your dark side,
   the blindness to faults and problems in your lover and
   yourself!
2. Reality bites: 'How can you do that if you love me? We can't
   keep up the perfect act any more. Do I like the real you I'm
   starting to see? Will you like the real me if I show you?'
3. Conflict: 'I want my needs met. I thought it'd be better than
   this. If only you'd change.' The conflict can be open, angry
   warfare or hidden, underhanded manipulation and icy cold
   logic. This is the stage where many people walk out. Many
   couples believe that conflict means it's all over, but the wise
   or lucky ones see conflict as a challenge, and find ways to
   resolve their conflicts. (We'll cover conflict resolution in
   chapter 6). Others hope that if they ignore conflict, it won't
   affect them. But those who learn to handle conflict will pass
   this test and progress to the next level.
4. Resolution: To make it here, the couple should have learned
   communication skills and grown as people. They're friends
   who have been through a lot together. They are confident
   that if more problems arise, they have strategies and
   experience at handlingthem. They can now enjoy the rewards
   of security, trust, fun, and comfort. They can also be deeply
   and truly romantic and sexy.